Kindergarten Expectations

When it came to school my mom had two choices: send me to the Catholic school 5 blocks away or the public school 3 blocks away.  That was it!  She opted for the private school.  For me the decision was a hundred times harder.  Maybe I made it harder than it had to be.  Maybe because we are first time parents and this is our only kid.  Regardless it was not easy choosing a school.  There are tons of choices but figuring out the right one was a long and exhausting process…at least for us.  We decided to send our son to the neighborhood public school.  Ironically, we said we would never send him there.  We heard that it was a terrible school.   We heard the test scores were horrible and it just didn’t seem like the school we wanted to send our kid to.  So, we seriously contemplated sending him back to his private school for another year.  But instead I did some research.  I checked the test scores and no they weren’t what I considered necessarily great.  But I looked at how low they were in past years and how much they jumped in recent years… to me that was a good sign.  Then I joined the Facebook group for neighborhood families who were going to the school.  I read a lot of positive comments from parents who were happy with the school.  I even was able to email one of the teachers and get feedback from her.  She even invited me to volunteer in her classroom.  I sat in her classroom for three hours and she was fantastic.  She was so great with the kids.  She was friendly but firm and had full control over her class of 20.  The kids were engaged and gave her hugs before it was time to go to lunch.   I was able to ask her a lot of questions when she had a spare moment.  She had a variety of kids in her class.  For some this was their first time in school and others had preschool experience.  So my question was how do they teach 20 kids who are at all different levels?  I thought it was impossible quite frankly, but I was wrong.  I saw for myself it can be done.  I left thinking there are some very hardworking and dedicated teachers doing great things at that school.  Then one of the parents recommended I volunteer another kindergarten teacher’s classroom.  She was also fantastic.   Then my husband and I took a quick tour of the school and were honestly not impressed.  It’s old, it needs a new playground, and the media center was nothing to brag about.  Now, while I liked what I saw teacher-wise I just wasn’t 100% sure it was the right place for our son.   I was still looking for more.

Then we visited two private schools and one we really loved because of the curriculum and what it had to offer.  It was everything we were looking for…small class size, foreign language, great media center with iPads, great extracurricular activities but the one thing that came between us and that school…DISTANCE!  It would’ve taken us 45 minutes one way just to get there and probably 50-60 minutes to get home in rush hour.   Then we thought about a charter school.  I toured it and it sounded great.  I’ve heard both the good and bad about the school.  But I still had questions so I spoke on the phone with the principal.  Ultimately, we just didn’t feel confident that the school was going to work for our son.  So, then my son’s pre-K teacher told us she thought our son should come back for another year for kindergarten.  She felt he would do well and he liked it there.  We thought so too and I registered him.  Kindergarteners learn at a first grade level, which sounds great but then I wasn’t sure that was going to be right for our son either.  He had like 30-40 minutes a night of homework in pre-K so I could only imagine what it was going to be like in kindergarten.  Did I want our son to be a workhorse in kindergarten? While yes he would be learning at an accelerated level, but was that really the best thing for him?  In the end we decided no.   Our thought was not to put that much pressure on him at such a young age.  He will have plenty of time for that later on down the road.

So, we were right back to square one and running out of time because school was three weeks away from starting.   So, I called the principal at the public school we had visited several times to ask her a few questions and to see if she would respond sort of as a test.  I left her a voicemail and after a few days I heard nothing.  So, I wrote this school off again.  Then a day or two later I got a call from the assistant principal.  She was calling on the behalf of the principal who was out of town.   We talked for about 40 minutes.  She was pleasant, patient and answered all of my questions.   She told me her kids went to the school and that they came from an accelerated preschool as well.   She said they were taught to their level and learned a lot.   She told me to feel free to call her anytime and to let them know if there is an issue so they can work to improve.  After I hung up with her I was sold.  Now, I still wasn’t 100% sure about it, but I definitely had fewer reservations.  We met his teacher beforehand and liked her right off the bat.  We had also heard great things about her from other parents.  Our son liked his classroom and felt right at home immediately which was a good sign.

So on the first day of school I asked my son how his day was and he said GREAT!  I couldn’t believe it.  He loves school, but great has never been how he described it.  I was happy that he was happy, but for whatever reason I still wasn’t 100% convinced about our decision just yet.  This bit of information didn’t help.  I learned my son had 32 kids in his class with three teachers in the room.  That’s waaaaaaaaay too many kids in my book.  So, I immediately emailed the assistant principal about this and she said they were on top of it and hoped to have it taken care of soon.  Evidently, more kids than they expected registered and the kindergarten classrooms were overflowing.  So, a week later another classroom opened up and they moved the extra kids from each class out.  I thought that was a very good sign that it was resolved  so quickly.

By the third week I volunteered in my son’s classroom and of course observed.  Again, I was impressed with what I saw.  I was pleased to see his teacher really had a handle on things.  The kids were engaged while learning.  I even spent a few minutes in the lunchroom watching my son having fun with his new friends.   I left that day thinking my son is in good hands.  He’s okay, he’s learning and most important he’s happy and that’s a huge relief.

My advice to other parents is:  figure out what you want from a school for your child.  I ended up figuring it out as we went through the process.  I also realized I may have had some unrealistic expectations which made the decision process that much harder.  Definitely do some research before you pick a school.  Don’t just go by hearsay.  Go see for yourself.  Definitely meet with the principal or assistant principal and observe a class.  Talk to the teachers.  Don’t let the school’s appearance necessarily cloud your judgment.  Just because it’s not the most state of the art place or doesn’t have all the bells and whistles doesn’t mean your child isn’t learning.  Keep an open mind because things aren’t always what they seem.  Test scores shouldn’t necessarily make or break your decision.  There could be a variety of factors as to why they could be low.  Be involved!  Volunteer in the classroom when you can and get to know your child’s teacher.  Bottom-line, you know your child better than anyone else and ultimately only you can figure out what is going to be the right learning environment whether it be public, private, charter or homeschool.  We never imagined our son going to public school, but that’s how it turned out.  I feel good about it so far… we’ll see how the rest of the year goes.

Say What???!!!

Last week Myles started a new camp up the road from his current school.  The two are affiliated and I’ve been curious about it so I thought why not let’s check it out.  Myles was excited because a couple of his buddies from his 2-year-old class are there and a few parents highly recommended it to me.  So, the first day was fine.  My husband and I met the teacher and she seemed fine. I’m not going to say her name we’ll just call her “Miss R”.   Well, by the third day I picked up Myles and Miss R told me she called Myles’ name a couple of times but he didn’t acknowledge her.  So, she asked if he had any issues with his hearing.  I told her he was tested at his school and no one notified me of a problem.  Then, she said he tripped a couple of times and he bumped his head and he didn’t react to the pain.  She said he just got up and kept going.  Honestly, that didn’t sound odd to me.  Clearly, it didn’t hurt him as bad as she thought.  I told her he got the clumsiness from me.  I was totally stunned by this conversation and just said ok and was relieved when another mom walked up so I could just grab Myles’ hand so we could leave. I got in the car and called my husband immediately.  I told him I couldn’t believe this was happening already at 3… being labeled!  I was like is she gonna say he has ADHD next week?  My husband was angry because he was like does she think we wouldn’t know if our child had a hearing problem!  Then after I hung up with my husband I was so crazed that I felt like I needed to make a doctor’s appointment anyway  just prove to her nothing was wrong.  I thought to myself his previous teachers never mentioned him having any hearing issues and I’m pretty sure they would’ve said something to me.  Let’s be clear that is DEFINITELY something that would not go unnoticed in our house!!!!!  Trust me, I’m the “Google Queen” and I never hesitate to call the doctor or ask another mom or a family member when I even sense there’s a problem or an issue with Myles.

Anyway, just for my own sanity… I went home and started doing crazy things and making loud noises to see if something was going with Myles.  He was laughing, responding and copying me.  I thought to myself if he had a hearing problem he wouldn’t be trying to read books out loud.  If he had a hearing problem he wouldn’t know the words to songs.  If he had a hearing problem he wouldn’t copy me like a parrot all the time.  Hmmm??  This wasn’t adding up one bit.

This whole issue weighed heavily on my mind for the rest of the day.  On top of that I had already had a bad day at work so my solution was to go to the “Y” and cycle my worries away for 50 minutes.  My legs were on fire after, but it did help me clear my mind a bit.

What I started to think about is how quickly teachers can label kids or just assume things without really getting to know them or their parents.  I think it’s great that Miss R is so observant.  If she were right about his hearing she would be a hero, but since she’s wrong why is she trying to label my son so quickly?   Is she like that with every child or just mine for some reason? Is it because he’s black?  (An important side note here: I don’t usually make race a factor or an issue, but whether I like it or not it is a reality I need to be aware of.)  Was she just trying to find something wrong with him?  Or was I just overreacting?  I felt these were things I definitely needed to think on.

So, the next day my husband and I both picked Myles up.  Miss R told me Myles was getting adjusted to the classroom and was a sweet boy.  She said she called his name a couple of times and when he didn’t respond she said Myles can you hear me?  He said yeah.  I told Miss R perhaps it was a case of selective hearing.  He does that when he’s engrossed in something or maybe he hasn’t really warmed up to her yet.  Then she mentioned something about him not eating his lunch, but we’ll save school lunch for another blog post.   So, after my conversation with Miss R… I got into the car and called the doctor’s office and canceled the appointment.   I couldn’t believe I had stressed myself out beyond belief over all of this.

Okay, here are a few more of my thoughts about the situation… first Miss R was really lucky I wasn’t a crazy mom that didn’t go off on her when she brought up the hearing issue.   It really hurt my heart to hear someone say my child could potentially have a serious problem.  Second… it was pretty bold that she went out a limb like that only after 3 DAYS… yes 3 DAYS!!!  I already feel Miss R will not be the right fit for Myles for the school year.  This is just camp… so I could only imagine what it would be like for 180 days.  But I will try to keep an open mind and I’ll see how the rest of the summer goes.  There’s another teacher there and I hope things go much better with her.   If not I will send Myles right back down the road to his other school where he is assigned to a teacher his old teacher highly recommended for him.  Just to be clear I’m trying out this school because if we stick with the Montessori curriculum Myles will end up there for 1st thru 4th grade.

Ultimately, I want our son to have the best education possible.  I want him to have teachers who are going to support, guide, challenge and encourage him.  So, as long as it is in my control I’m learning I need to investigate, interview and chose my son’s teachers wisely.  And when we encounter a teacher who we don’t see eye-to-eye with we will work through it and support and encourage Myles and stay on top of that teacher as often as we need to.

Who knew all of this would come out of 3 days at summer camp!   We’ll see what next week brings… hopefully it’s drama-free!!! And if you’ve experienced anything like this please share and tell me how you handled it.

1 Amateur Mom + 1 Toddler’s Education =2 Much Stress

I’ll admit I am an amateur parent trying to navigate my way through the education process for a 3-year-old.  And find it all very stressful! For example, other mom’s I know have already secured teachers they want for fall, observed classes and know about the “disruptive child” in the class.  I’m like what what what? Wait minute how do I not know about these things? What I do know is making decisions whether they be big or small about your child’s education can be exhausting.  I just tortured my husband and myself for a week about what to do about Myles’ school situation.

Here’s the story… Myles goes to a Montessori school and there’s a school just like it up the road. Both schools teach the same curriculum and everything.  The only differences are the academy is a little newer and it goes up to 4th grade I believe.  Myles’ current school has a “home-like” feeling and only goes up to kindergarten.  He just finished the early childhood program for toddlers and now he moves up to “the big boy class” as we like to call it.  His classmates will be 3-6 year olds.  I found out that at least four of his classmates were switching to the academy up the road.  So, I wondered why and asked a couple of the parents.  One mom told me she liked the building better.  She said it felt more like a classroom setting and it had more light, which she felt was a better learning environment for her son.  Another mom is an assistant teacher so it just made sense for her to have her daughter over there with her, and the other has a sibling at the other school.

So, I went to investigate the academy to see for myself what all the hubbub was about.  I talked at great length with the director.  I did like the school layout better and it does have more of a “school feel” to it.  So, I came home and told my husband that we should switch Myles there.  But for some reason I still kept asking his former teacher for her opinion about his current school. She recommended Myles have a specific teacher who’s great with handling rambunctious little boys in a firm, but loving way.  Despite hearing that at the time I still liked the academy better and was still going to go ahead and make the change.  So, I made the call to his current school and told them Myles was leaving and after I hung up I felt weird and almost guilty about the decision I made.  I know that sounds crazy, but true.  Here’s where the husband comes in.  I fleshed it out with him.  Reasons for Myles to stay at current school: I reiterated the fact that his former teacher requested a specific teacher for him and how great everyone said that teacher was.  We talked about how we’ve never had any problems at his current school and they know and like Myles.   Reasons to move him:  Myles could stay at the academy for elementary school, his friends will be there, the building and campus are nicer and they have extracurricular activities.   My husband made the final decision.  He said we shouldn’t move him.  Can I tell you the relief I felt at that moment!  So, my husband called the school back 15 minutes later and told the director we would stay as long as we got the specific teacher his former teacher recommended.  The director said ok and that was that.

However, I thought the school director thought we were crazy. So when I picked up Myles I talked to her and thanked her for her patience since we couldn’t make up our minds at the time.  I told her we peeled back the layers and got past the aesthetics and really thought about what would be best Myles.  He likes his currents school and there really wasn’t a strong enough reason to move him. She totally understood especially since we were making an important decision regarding our child’s education.

Trying to figure out this stuff is incredibly hard.  I have a child who loves school and loves learning.  Right now, it’s my bargaining chip.  When Myles gives me a hard time about going to bed, I tell him no school tomorrow if he doesn’t go to bed and he says,”YES SCHOOL!”   So for me it’s important to foster that and preserve that excitement and love for school for as long as I can.  I hope it lasts, but ya’ just never know.   As a parent, you just want what’s best, but honestly you’re never really 100% sure it’s the RIGHT decision.  You just hope it works out.  Again another lesson they don’t tell you in the parenting handbook.  I just hope this teacher lives up to all the hype come fall.  And, I’m really glad I won’t have to worry about this again until Myles’ is in first grade, but at least I’ll be prepared!

A Shout Out to Teachers

What would we do without teachers?  I still remember a few of mine.  Some were old, fat, nuns, mean, super sweet, bald, cool, dressed horribly, strict, gave too many quizzes or waaay too much homework, but I’m glad I had ’em.  Aside from their appearances… yes, there were some teachers who inspired and challenged me… You know the ones who were really able to tap into my thirst for knowledge and I am grateful to have spent time with them.  I can only hope Myles feels the same way, as he gets older.  He’s in preschool right now, and I totally admire anyone who can teach a group of 2-and 3-year olds.  His teachers Miss Cathy and Miss Lauren are my heroes.  They can sometimes get him to do things that I can’t even get him to do.  I swear they have magical powers or something!

Anyway, Friday wrapped up “Teacher Appreciation Week”.  Each day the parents did something special for the teachers. Well, for the last day I volunteered to come to Myles’ class and help with carpool along with the class mom.  Sounds simple enough right?  Uh not really.  When I got there they were all sound asleep, and I was wishing I could curl up next to Myles and join them.

An hour later, one-by-one they all started to wake up.  I had to help get them to the bathroom or change diapers.  It seemed like forever since I had changed a diaper and was glad I don’t have to do that anymore.  Myles was happy to see me.  He became my little helper and told me the names of some of his classmates.  We rolled sleep mats, and put away little cots and I sat in a circle with them and asked them what else I needed to do.  Then there was a squabble over a backpack that needed to be settled, a boo-boo that needed to be tended to, shoes tied and then a couple of them just started having conversations with me telling about the Chipmunk CD in their backpack perhaps that’s what started the squabble…  who knows?? Next, I helped get them all lined up to go outside to the playground.

While they were playing the kids saw a spider and you would be amazed at how something that simple can keep them entertained. But let me tell you these were no itsy bitsy spiders!  I spent most of time poking them with a stick and screaming with the kids every time the spiders moved.  That’s all I did while sweating in the heat until they left with their parents.  When it was time for Myles and I to leave his teachers came back full after a great lunch and relaxed after a well-deserved massage.  I told them about my time with the kids and Miss Cathy said now you feel my pain.  She said all day long the kids shout to her that they see an ant, a bee or a spider and go and on. I could NOT imagine dealing with that.  There’s no way I could ever do their jobs.  And doing carpool is like a fraction of what they do and I was worn out (but gimme a break I did put in a full days work before doing this!).  Heaven forbid if I had to engage and entertain toddlers for six hours a day, five days a week.  I can barely keep up with my own child let alone a dozen of ’em.  It takes a special person to be a teacher.  You have to be exceptionally patient, passionate, smart and engaging… and love shaping young minds… and that’s just scratching the surface. The time teachers spend with our kids is soooo precious because of the impact they can make day-to-day. They don’t get nearly enough credit.  So, my hats off to teachers.  Keep doing what you’re doing because whether you realize it or not you are making a difference.